The new normal?

Over the last week I have come to realize what I'm going through is here to stay - at least for a couple weeks, maybe a month, maybe five months, so I am starting this journal to share and remember my experiences since this doesn't seem to be something to get over quickly and forget about. I will also try to be positive by starting off expressing how thankful I am for what I have so that I am not a debby downer to myself or those trying to support me.

This week I am really thankful for support far and wide - my husband has been amazing, as well as the kids and my parents who are really taking care of me, each other and the house. My inlaws made my day with flowers just for me and my daughter that continue to brighten my room and mood, and they also support my husband who this is so hard on too. I have felt supported and encouraged by so many friends and family on Facebook. It is so nice to hear replies of prayer and support when you are cut off from society and isolated. I am also amazed by distant family and friends of friends I have never met who want to so things for us and pray for us. Wow. I am also thankful to finally understand the diagnosis (end of blog).

So this will probably be a long first blog since there is history to catch up on.

It started in June when I was 11 wks pregnant and woke up with cramping and saw blood when I went to the bathroom. In retrospect, not a lot, but enough to terrify me that I was losing the baby. I was out of town for work away from my family and sent to the ER. I never considered risk of complications since I already delivered two healthy babies at 40 wks with perfect pregnancies. When I had an ultrasound and saw the baby move and heard the heartbeat, tears of joy and relief streamed down my face - the baby would be ok. I had a hemorrhage and was prescribed bed rest without a strict definition and went home. No more bleeding or symptoms, I took it easy for awhile, bed rest worked no big deal. Then slowly back to normal life, except picking my kids up.

So I made it out of the 1st trimester and was out of the woods or so I thought. This Tuesday at almost 18 wks I woke up to see a huge gush of blood in the toilet. So scary. Luckily I am at home with my husband and own doctor. By the time we have the ultrasound and see the doc, the bleeding is subsiding. We see the baby is ok and hemorrhage on ultrasound like last time, but doc admits me to the hospital for more tests, consult with high risk doctor and more advanced ultrasound. Very quickly they find the problem act like it is under control and the rest of the overnight stay is uneventful. I don't ask too many questions since I am healed and it is over, we just talk about bed rest and that this time it really means staying in bed except to go to the bathroom.

Thursday, the day after being released from the hospital was probably my lowest day yet. I woke up to bleeding again. Packed a bag to the hospital, but was told I could either stay in bed, come to the doctors office or back to hospital if it makes me feel better. I chose option 2 for no good reason. This was pretty much a worthless visit, I heard the heartbeat but already knew baby was ok from feeling him move. I also learned this could go on for weeks, and there is nothing they can do about it because the baby is not viable until 25 weeks (though other doctors and the Internet have since indicated sooner). So I am not better, can not be healed and can do nothing but lay around and bleed and wait until I get to 25 wks. My husband and I decide we are not going in the next time since no one can help us.

The next day Friday I woke up sick but no blood. I laid on the bathroom floor for awhile I was so sick. An hour later when finally in bed a huge gush of blood comes, worst yet by far, but I wait for it to stop in 4-5 hours like it did the other two days. It didn't stop all day, or the next morning. So I call the doctor who tells me to come to the hospital, finally I will get answers.....

Saturday morning the bleeding stops by the time we are settled at the hospital - after about 30 hrs it stops right when I am about to see the experts. Doesn't matter, I got an ultrasound, bloodwork and 15 minute great talk with the on call doctor who took the time to explain everything to us and answer all our questions. This was our best day, I am really thankful for getting a great nurse and doctor that day. We can now handle the next few weeks understanding what exactly is going on, what could happen, when to stay at home and when to go to the hospital.


DETAILED DIAGNOSIS - I have a marginal placental abruption meaning the edge of the placenta tears away from the uterus making a large or "good sized" hemorrhage (that is slightly bigger than it was on Tuesday). The blood pools under the placenta when I'm sleeping, releasing a rush of blood when I get up and use the bathroom. I should only be concerned if the bleeding is heavy for a few to several hours and come into the hospital to get checked out. The hospital does an ultrasound and checks my blood to ensure I am not anemic or suffering from too much blood loss and checks to see if there is mixing of blood with the baby. Now we are waiting for the placenta to heal and reattach - could be a week or months until the bleeding stops.