This week is pretty much more of the same, another mile passed in a long marathon. We had a very good visit with my doctor on Friday and agreed on our course of action for the next week and a half. I had been having uterine cramping, which is a sign of preterm labor, but she gave me medication and the cramping stopped (actually before I started the medication). We agreed to admit me to the hospital on September 8, which is now just 9 days away. I am looking forward to passing the viability point and having some medical intervention to help Jacob (steroid shots for his lungs to develop faster, constant monitoring), but not looking forward to being away from my family. The hospital is only about 30 minutes away, but it will still be a huge adjustment for all of us.
So now I prepare for the next leg of the journey - hospital bed rest. This will really change everything. It has been hard for me to let go of normal life up to this point. I have been working from home for over a month, even though I didn’t really have to; I could have been getting short term disability benefits without working, but for whatever reason, I chose to work. I am probably not doing a great job, but felt bad about leaving my responsibilities, and work helps pass the time. Even now, it will be so strange to be leaving my job 4 months before the due date, especially since with prior pregnancies, I worked until the end (even through a full day of early labor, timing contractions and watching the clock to ensure I could transition all my work before going to the hospital).
But now is the time to let it go and focus on a healthy delivery for Jacob….
Another thing I have not wanted to let go of is my husband’s marathon. He has been planning to run the Chicago Marathon for over a year now. Actually it has been over 6 years in the making since he first started running in Chicago when we lived there. The race is in October and I have been looking forward to going with the kids to support him. First I had to let go of the idea that I could go. Now I have to accept he will not be able to go either. It really saddens me because I have seen how hard he has been training for months and really years for this big event. He has decided to be here in town for me and Jacob when/if something happens rather than out of town.
Something really surprising has come together in the last few days. He decided he is pretty much trained and ready to run his marathon, so will be running this Saturday in the streets of Brentwood – he’s running for me and Jacob. I am thankful for our family coming in town to run parts of the race with him and to support him. I am hoping local friends and runners will come out to support his race too, because he has been such a support to me.
Here are the details for anyone in Nashville that would like to come out (you can sign up to attend on Facebook, or contact either one of us directly):
http://www.facebook.com/#!/event.php?eid=130127460367252
“On September 8th, Amy checks into the hospital for the duration of her high risk pregnancy. Since I am almost fully trained to run the Chicago Marathon but will need to put it on hold, I am going to run my marathon in Brentwood this Saturday. Everyone is invited to participate as I am planning to run different lengths. Please invite your friends, too.
My father has been doing a lot of leg work and now the schedule is coming together. Fleet Feet of Brentwood is going to support the cause! Also, we have our first satellite participant -- Paul is going to run 10 miles in South Florida at the same time.
6:30am: 10 miles with Fleet Feet group from Concord YMCA. No idea where they go, but their group is 150 strong.
8:15am: 13.1 miles. Leave and return to YMCA. Fleet Feet is going to support our route with water, electrolytes, etc.
10:30am: 5k or 3.1 miles from YMCA through Crockett Park and back to YMCA.
11am: Jimmy Johns and beers in River Park parking lot, adjacent to YMCA”
Monday, August 30, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
His Name is Jacob
On this blog I have consciously tried to not mention my full name or family members names because I am a little paranoid about internet privacy, but want you to know the name of our unborn baby, hoping that it will help you remember him and pray for him.
His name is Jacob. His due date is December 29. On Thursday he will be 22 weeks. Yesterday, he weighed 1 lb, 3 oz, 93 percentile. He has been causing quite a stir for his family. But we already love him so much. His brother and sister are waiting for him to be born. They talk to him and hug him and kiss him every day, and feel him kick. They pray for him every night. They never forget his stick figure when they are drawing family pictures. They have decided his favorite color is going to be green. They talk of all the things they will teach him and show him, and practice how they will take care of him. They talk about what toys they are going to give to him and share with him. They talk of the three kids in our family, he is already one of them.
I just found out one of the meanings of Jacob is, “God will protect.” I am so thankful for that and praying so hard for God to protect him. We can’t lose him; he is part of our family.
Yesterday I went to the hospital for prolonged heavy bleeding and cramping. The ultrasound revealed really no change in almost a month. You could call it good news, but really it’s concerning because the placenta should have moved up, started healing etc. Unusual and unpredictable are words the doctor used in describing what is going on. We are worried for a few reasons – bleeding every day for a month or more is not good for the membranes and the irritation will probably cause preterm labor. Labor, contractions, dilation would be risky because of the location and condition of the placenta. I have a marginal placenta previa (edge covers birth canal) and marginal placenta abrubtion (tear from uterus). I knew about the abruption and knew I had a low placenta before, but did not know the edge was actually covering the cervix or birth canal. I really studied the ultrasound and asked lots of questions. You can clearly see on top of the cervix is a 7cm x 3cm bleed, with a lifted/torn placenta right over that. Clearly not where it should be (attached to the uterine wall).
If I was past 24-25 weeks, they would admit me immediately and permanently (until delivery) for constant observation so they could save the baby quickly if needed. They would also give steroid shots to help his lungs develop. However I am not quite 22 weeks, so we are told to go home and rest since the hospital would not save the baby this early. When the he reaches viability, I will be admitted to ensure that they can save him (through cesarean) when/if something goes wrong.
We met with a NICU doctor in the hospital. She talked a lot about statistics and survival. It is apparently the parents’ choice if a child should be saved at 24 weeks. After 25 weeks, it is no question, the hospital will do everything they can. Before then, when the stats are not so great, it is up to the parents. We cried. She says it is a tough decision. But not really for us. Jacob is part of our family. If anyone else in my family were critically injured with a low probability of survival, I would want it to be near the hospital so the doctors could have a chance to do what they do. I believe in miracles and beating the odds. I am trying so hard every day to have faith that “God will Protect.” So I will be checking in/admitting at 24 weeks to give Jacob a chance. Hopefully it is just a precaution and he will make it to 25 weeks, 28 weeks, 32 weeks and all the other milestones, but right now, I am just really hoping and praying for 24 weeks when he will have a chance at survival. The date is September 9. Please pray for Jacob to stay put inside me with no more issues until September 9. Then we’ll pray for September 16 and beyond.
His name is Jacob. His due date is December 29. On Thursday he will be 22 weeks. Yesterday, he weighed 1 lb, 3 oz, 93 percentile. He has been causing quite a stir for his family. But we already love him so much. His brother and sister are waiting for him to be born. They talk to him and hug him and kiss him every day, and feel him kick. They pray for him every night. They never forget his stick figure when they are drawing family pictures. They have decided his favorite color is going to be green. They talk of all the things they will teach him and show him, and practice how they will take care of him. They talk about what toys they are going to give to him and share with him. They talk of the three kids in our family, he is already one of them.
I just found out one of the meanings of Jacob is, “God will protect.” I am so thankful for that and praying so hard for God to protect him. We can’t lose him; he is part of our family.
Yesterday I went to the hospital for prolonged heavy bleeding and cramping. The ultrasound revealed really no change in almost a month. You could call it good news, but really it’s concerning because the placenta should have moved up, started healing etc. Unusual and unpredictable are words the doctor used in describing what is going on. We are worried for a few reasons – bleeding every day for a month or more is not good for the membranes and the irritation will probably cause preterm labor. Labor, contractions, dilation would be risky because of the location and condition of the placenta. I have a marginal placenta previa (edge covers birth canal) and marginal placenta abrubtion (tear from uterus). I knew about the abruption and knew I had a low placenta before, but did not know the edge was actually covering the cervix or birth canal. I really studied the ultrasound and asked lots of questions. You can clearly see on top of the cervix is a 7cm x 3cm bleed, with a lifted/torn placenta right over that. Clearly not where it should be (attached to the uterine wall).
If I was past 24-25 weeks, they would admit me immediately and permanently (until delivery) for constant observation so they could save the baby quickly if needed. They would also give steroid shots to help his lungs develop. However I am not quite 22 weeks, so we are told to go home and rest since the hospital would not save the baby this early. When the he reaches viability, I will be admitted to ensure that they can save him (through cesarean) when/if something goes wrong.
We met with a NICU doctor in the hospital. She talked a lot about statistics and survival. It is apparently the parents’ choice if a child should be saved at 24 weeks. After 25 weeks, it is no question, the hospital will do everything they can. Before then, when the stats are not so great, it is up to the parents. We cried. She says it is a tough decision. But not really for us. Jacob is part of our family. If anyone else in my family were critically injured with a low probability of survival, I would want it to be near the hospital so the doctors could have a chance to do what they do. I believe in miracles and beating the odds. I am trying so hard every day to have faith that “God will Protect.” So I will be checking in/admitting at 24 weeks to give Jacob a chance. Hopefully it is just a precaution and he will make it to 25 weeks, 28 weeks, 32 weeks and all the other milestones, but right now, I am just really hoping and praying for 24 weeks when he will have a chance at survival. The date is September 9. Please pray for Jacob to stay put inside me with no more issues until September 9. Then we’ll pray for September 16 and beyond.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Here we go again....
Lots of blood, worst yet. Cramping and pain. Hopefully nothing new or terrible, but going to hospital to be safe not sorry.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Stay the Course
Today I am 21 ½ weeks pregnant and have been on consecutive bed rest for 3 ½ weeks. I’m finding it harder to write updates since nothing has changed for 3 weeks. No doctor visits or ultrasounds this week and nothing to report. A few times I have felt like I my symptoms are getting better, but I’m hesitant to say it. Yesterday I actually said out loud to my husband that I think things are getting better, but I had to retract my statement later that night and the next morning when symptoms got worse or back to how they have been.
So in the absence of any improvement or news, I will have to stay the course, at least a few more weeks until the next ultrasound and visit with the specialist. I am still thankful for no surprises, hospital visits, contractions, or preterm labor.
I’m also thankful for a few highlights this past week:
So in the absence of any improvement or news, I will have to stay the course, at least a few more weeks until the next ultrasound and visit with the specialist. I am still thankful for no surprises, hospital visits, contractions, or preterm labor.
I’m also thankful for a few highlights this past week:
- Date Night with my Husband - Thanks to my sister for having a sleepover for my little girl and to the family of my son’s friend for having him over for a sleepover. And thanks to my husband for bringing home a great dinner and dessert and watching a movie with me.
- Sneaking out - My husband also snuck me out of bed rest one morning to go to the bagel shop. I figured the short walk to the car and to a comfy seat inside the bagel shop was no more than the walk to the bathroom so no harm done. It was nice to be out in society for 45 minutes or so. I said that to my husband, and he thought, wow, if being in a marginal bagel shop is so great, bed rest must be pretty bad.
- Bedrest Buddy – I am now corresponding with a bedrest buddy who has been through almost the same experience as me and delivered a healthy baby at 33 wks. Through this experience I have heard of or talked to a lot of people who have been through “exactly the same thing,” but then you ask a couple questions and it is not the same thing at all. So it’s nice to talk to someone who has really been through the same thing and truly understands my thoughts and fears.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Halftime
Today I am officially 20 weeks pregnant, or half way through a 40 week pregnancy. It is unbelievable that we are only half way after all we have gone through. I really can't fathom 4 1/2 more months, but would be so thankful if the baby could spend that much more time developing inside me. I always wonder what the next 20 weeks will be like. Will I be on bed rest the whole time? How early will the baby come? Is there a chance I get better and go back to regular life?
It's difficult to have life on-hold with so much uncertainty, especially since I am such a planner. I can't tell my work when I will return. We had to cancel our Disney Vacation in September. I can't take the kids to Chicago to support my husband when he runs his first Marathon in October. I'm hoping to find a way to make it to my son's first soccer game in September - really don't want to miss it. Who knows what Halloween, Thanksgiving or Christmas will be like. When I first found out my due date, all I hoped was that the baby would not be born on Christmas. Now we would all probably see that as a Christmas miracle.
Today I also went to the doctor, had an ultrasound and bloodwork (scheduled appointment).
Good News: Baby is ok in really every way. He is measuring a week and a couple days big, so if he comes very early he has a better shot of survival. I am not showing any signs going into preterm labor yet (cervix is as it should be at this stage). I am no worse off than last time, and haven't had any additional surprises or complications.
Same or Bad News: Placenta is still really low. Placenta still has marginal abruption (tearing from uterus). Hemorrhage still there, blood clot still there. Still bleeding, but a little less (and a little more old blood than new blood which apparently is good). There is blood floating around in the amniotic fluid - I think this is new (need to keep an eye on that since I am Rh negative).
Next steps: At least 2 more weeks of bedrest, but probably more. In a month the baby is viable and I spend more time with the maternal fetal medicine high risk specialists.
The ultrasounds these days are so much different than before. When this baby reached 15 weeks, we went to an ultrasound boutique to find out the gender 4 weeks earlier than the doctor would do it. I brought the kids and we saw the 4D version and all had fun seeing the baby and finding out the gender together. I told everyone it was so great because the kids were involved and we just concentrated on the baby and none of the boring stuff like placenta, etc. Now the tables are turned and I can't wait to the next ultrasound to find out about hemorrhage size, placenta position and condition, etc.
This week I am especially thankful for my kids and that they are handling this so well. They understand why I have to be in bed. They are really sweet and want to help. They bring me water and snacks and like to cuddle up next to me and enjoy snacks, reading, watching TV, coloring and playing iPad games with me. I still get to read them stories and sing songs at bedtime, it's just in my bed instead of theirs. I still get to fix my daughter's hair every morning. They let me rest but sometimes sneak up to give me a hug and kiss. I am really pleased they are self-sufficient enough to get dressed, play independently, clean up the game room, etc so that this is a little easier on everyone. I am also very thankful this happened on my third and last pregnancy, rather than the first. I don't know if we would be brave enough to try again after such a rough pregnancy.
Thanks again to everyone for the continued prayers and support. You encourage me to somehow look beyond the day-to-day and how far away 20 more weeks sounds, and rather help me keep faith that in the end I will deliver a healthy baby boy.
It's difficult to have life on-hold with so much uncertainty, especially since I am such a planner. I can't tell my work when I will return. We had to cancel our Disney Vacation in September. I can't take the kids to Chicago to support my husband when he runs his first Marathon in October. I'm hoping to find a way to make it to my son's first soccer game in September - really don't want to miss it. Who knows what Halloween, Thanksgiving or Christmas will be like. When I first found out my due date, all I hoped was that the baby would not be born on Christmas. Now we would all probably see that as a Christmas miracle.
Today I also went to the doctor, had an ultrasound and bloodwork (scheduled appointment).
Good News: Baby is ok in really every way. He is measuring a week and a couple days big, so if he comes very early he has a better shot of survival. I am not showing any signs going into preterm labor yet (cervix is as it should be at this stage). I am no worse off than last time, and haven't had any additional surprises or complications.
Same or Bad News: Placenta is still really low. Placenta still has marginal abruption (tearing from uterus). Hemorrhage still there, blood clot still there. Still bleeding, but a little less (and a little more old blood than new blood which apparently is good). There is blood floating around in the amniotic fluid - I think this is new (need to keep an eye on that since I am Rh negative).
Next steps: At least 2 more weeks of bedrest, but probably more. In a month the baby is viable and I spend more time with the maternal fetal medicine high risk specialists.
The ultrasounds these days are so much different than before. When this baby reached 15 weeks, we went to an ultrasound boutique to find out the gender 4 weeks earlier than the doctor would do it. I brought the kids and we saw the 4D version and all had fun seeing the baby and finding out the gender together. I told everyone it was so great because the kids were involved and we just concentrated on the baby and none of the boring stuff like placenta, etc. Now the tables are turned and I can't wait to the next ultrasound to find out about hemorrhage size, placenta position and condition, etc.
This week I am especially thankful for my kids and that they are handling this so well. They understand why I have to be in bed. They are really sweet and want to help. They bring me water and snacks and like to cuddle up next to me and enjoy snacks, reading, watching TV, coloring and playing iPad games with me. I still get to read them stories and sing songs at bedtime, it's just in my bed instead of theirs. I still get to fix my daughter's hair every morning. They let me rest but sometimes sneak up to give me a hug and kiss. I am really pleased they are self-sufficient enough to get dressed, play independently, clean up the game room, etc so that this is a little easier on everyone. I am also very thankful this happened on my third and last pregnancy, rather than the first. I don't know if we would be brave enough to try again after such a rough pregnancy.
Thanks again to everyone for the continued prayers and support. You encourage me to somehow look beyond the day-to-day and how far away 20 more weeks sounds, and rather help me keep faith that in the end I will deliver a healthy baby boy.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Another week down
It's been almost two weeks of this 2nd trimester bed rest. I have mixed feelings - one week closer to my Dec 29 due date, one week closer to 24 or 25 wks when the baby is viable, one more week for our baby to develop inside me. On the flip side, my symptoms aren't much better so it also means another week of bed rest is added to the horizon: I am no closer to getting off bed rest than I was a week ago.
But off to that positive start - this week I am so thankful that our family is back to living as close to our normal lives as possible. No trips to the hospital! I started working from home. My husband is still training for his marathon. The kids are in their normal routine of school, Grammy and Grandpa's house, Sunday school, going to the pool on the weekends, etc. The kids are so accepting and understand the situation as a 3 and 5 year old would - that I have a boo boo in my belly near the baby and I have to lie down so it doesn't bleed. When I first told my son, his response was, "Well you could eat a bandaid." Great idea, wish I could.
Work from home has worked out most of the time. I read blogs of women on bed rest who are bored watching tv all day and have a hard time getting back to real life after being isolated from society. I am really sick of tv, especially the news, and have vowed not to get into soaps, so work is a welcome distraction. My colleagues have been great, even sending flowers, and I have been able to stay effective and connected through teleconferencing into meetings. My big issue has been getting comfortable reclining in bed with a laptop. Not as easy as it sounds and really hurts my back after a few hours. The ipad I'm using now is much better but can't be used for work. I probably need to research a solution for the laptop in bed.
The other highlight from this week is that my long lost cousin came to visit and brought us the most wonderful dinner of homemade lasagna, fancy salad, mac and cheese and watermelon for the kids, plus homemade banana muffins for breakfast/snacks. I have always been a big fan of leftovers so along with my mom's cooking I was all set every day for lunch with great leftovers. Even better, we finally connected with this cousin who I have been trying to meet up with for months. She is my dad's cousin's daughter and I probably haven't seen her since I was 10 so it was great to see her and have our kids play together. Amazing how friends and family pull together in times like this. I am so blessed.
Generally I am doing fine, everyone is praying for me and the baby and wanting to check in on us and help. But I am most concerned about my husband. He is an amazing husband and father and has been so strong in handling this, supporting me and the household, but definitely needs prayer and support as much as or more than me. I just lie around all day. I sleep a lot and take a nap every day. He works a demanding full time job, and now rather than sharing chores, has to do 100% - get the kids ready for school, drop off & pick up every day, do all the grocery shopping and cooking, all the cleaning and taking care of the kids (who want a snack or drink or for him to play with them every 5 minutes), plus the bath, deal with 5 am wake-ups etc. He really doesn't get to even sit down. And that is all before he can help me out, so I try to keep my requests for water and snacks to a minimum; I know I shouldn't feel guilty but I do.
But our big help in all of this is not surprising, the same one who helps us through all the rough patches, back a couple years ago when my prior job was very demanding and work-family balance was so tough, back when we had new babies and it was so hard to go back to work. Of course it is my mom. She is the bionic woman I swear, nothing could take her down, not even cancer, surgeries, chemotherapy and radiation. She is a huge prayer warrior. I know if she is praying for me, I will be ok. I probably am not as good about praying because I know she has me covered. While I can pray for a minute, I really think she prays without ceasing. My grandma was the same way. When I had mono in high school and she was visiting, I woke up in the middle if the night and my grandma was reciting Psalms and praying over me at night. Pretty powerful stuff. So the torch hasn't been passed to me, but I do appreciate my mom and maybe this creates an opportunity for me to learn to develop that way.
Beyond the praying, my mom is helping me by helping my husband. Cooking a couple nights a week and cleaning up the kitchen, calling from the grocery store to see if we need a few things, coming over to watch the kids while he runs, and the biggest help of all is that she has volunteered to do all our laundry. Dad is helpful too since he is so great with the kids and coming over to make me lunch. I probably need to be more specific about what help we need from him and everyone else. I feel guilty or bad asking for help for some reason, nice thing is my mom knows how to help and what I need without me even asking.
So the medical update is not much to tell - still bleeding every day. Sunday and Monday were pretty bad, settled into a typical pattern the rest of the week, and today and yesterday seemed a little better, so who knows I might be getting better. But we have had ups and downs before and end up in the same place so I'm trying to not get ahead of ourselves. This Thursday I will be 20 wks and will get an ultrasound and see the doc, so will have more news then - I hope.
But off to that positive start - this week I am so thankful that our family is back to living as close to our normal lives as possible. No trips to the hospital! I started working from home. My husband is still training for his marathon. The kids are in their normal routine of school, Grammy and Grandpa's house, Sunday school, going to the pool on the weekends, etc. The kids are so accepting and understand the situation as a 3 and 5 year old would - that I have a boo boo in my belly near the baby and I have to lie down so it doesn't bleed. When I first told my son, his response was, "Well you could eat a bandaid." Great idea, wish I could.
Work from home has worked out most of the time. I read blogs of women on bed rest who are bored watching tv all day and have a hard time getting back to real life after being isolated from society. I am really sick of tv, especially the news, and have vowed not to get into soaps, so work is a welcome distraction. My colleagues have been great, even sending flowers, and I have been able to stay effective and connected through teleconferencing into meetings. My big issue has been getting comfortable reclining in bed with a laptop. Not as easy as it sounds and really hurts my back after a few hours. The ipad I'm using now is much better but can't be used for work. I probably need to research a solution for the laptop in bed.
The other highlight from this week is that my long lost cousin came to visit and brought us the most wonderful dinner of homemade lasagna, fancy salad, mac and cheese and watermelon for the kids, plus homemade banana muffins for breakfast/snacks. I have always been a big fan of leftovers so along with my mom's cooking I was all set every day for lunch with great leftovers. Even better, we finally connected with this cousin who I have been trying to meet up with for months. She is my dad's cousin's daughter and I probably haven't seen her since I was 10 so it was great to see her and have our kids play together. Amazing how friends and family pull together in times like this. I am so blessed.
Generally I am doing fine, everyone is praying for me and the baby and wanting to check in on us and help. But I am most concerned about my husband. He is an amazing husband and father and has been so strong in handling this, supporting me and the household, but definitely needs prayer and support as much as or more than me. I just lie around all day. I sleep a lot and take a nap every day. He works a demanding full time job, and now rather than sharing chores, has to do 100% - get the kids ready for school, drop off & pick up every day, do all the grocery shopping and cooking, all the cleaning and taking care of the kids (who want a snack or drink or for him to play with them every 5 minutes), plus the bath, deal with 5 am wake-ups etc. He really doesn't get to even sit down. And that is all before he can help me out, so I try to keep my requests for water and snacks to a minimum; I know I shouldn't feel guilty but I do.
But our big help in all of this is not surprising, the same one who helps us through all the rough patches, back a couple years ago when my prior job was very demanding and work-family balance was so tough, back when we had new babies and it was so hard to go back to work. Of course it is my mom. She is the bionic woman I swear, nothing could take her down, not even cancer, surgeries, chemotherapy and radiation. She is a huge prayer warrior. I know if she is praying for me, I will be ok. I probably am not as good about praying because I know she has me covered. While I can pray for a minute, I really think she prays without ceasing. My grandma was the same way. When I had mono in high school and she was visiting, I woke up in the middle if the night and my grandma was reciting Psalms and praying over me at night. Pretty powerful stuff. So the torch hasn't been passed to me, but I do appreciate my mom and maybe this creates an opportunity for me to learn to develop that way.
Beyond the praying, my mom is helping me by helping my husband. Cooking a couple nights a week and cleaning up the kitchen, calling from the grocery store to see if we need a few things, coming over to watch the kids while he runs, and the biggest help of all is that she has volunteered to do all our laundry. Dad is helpful too since he is so great with the kids and coming over to make me lunch. I probably need to be more specific about what help we need from him and everyone else. I feel guilty or bad asking for help for some reason, nice thing is my mom knows how to help and what I need without me even asking.
So the medical update is not much to tell - still bleeding every day. Sunday and Monday were pretty bad, settled into a typical pattern the rest of the week, and today and yesterday seemed a little better, so who knows I might be getting better. But we have had ups and downs before and end up in the same place so I'm trying to not get ahead of ourselves. This Thursday I will be 20 wks and will get an ultrasound and see the doc, so will have more news then - I hope.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
The new normal?
Over the last week I have come to realize what I'm going through is here to stay - at least for a couple weeks, maybe a month, maybe five months, so I am starting this journal to share and remember my experiences since this doesn't seem to be something to get over quickly and forget about. I will also try to be positive by starting off expressing how thankful I am for what I have so that I am not a debby downer to myself or those trying to support me.
This week I am really thankful for support far and wide - my husband has been amazing, as well as the kids and my parents who are really taking care of me, each other and the house. My inlaws made my day with flowers just for me and my daughter that continue to brighten my room and mood, and they also support my husband who this is so hard on too. I have felt supported and encouraged by so many friends and family on Facebook. It is so nice to hear replies of prayer and support when you are cut off from society and isolated. I am also amazed by distant family and friends of friends I have never met who want to so things for us and pray for us. Wow. I am also thankful to finally understand the diagnosis (end of blog).
So this will probably be a long first blog since there is history to catch up on.
It started in June when I was 11 wks pregnant and woke up with cramping and saw blood when I went to the bathroom. In retrospect, not a lot, but enough to terrify me that I was losing the baby. I was out of town for work away from my family and sent to the ER. I never considered risk of complications since I already delivered two healthy babies at 40 wks with perfect pregnancies. When I had an ultrasound and saw the baby move and heard the heartbeat, tears of joy and relief streamed down my face - the baby would be ok. I had a hemorrhage and was prescribed bed rest without a strict definition and went home. No more bleeding or symptoms, I took it easy for awhile, bed rest worked no big deal. Then slowly back to normal life, except picking my kids up.
So I made it out of the 1st trimester and was out of the woods or so I thought. This Tuesday at almost 18 wks I woke up to see a huge gush of blood in the toilet. So scary. Luckily I am at home with my husband and own doctor. By the time we have the ultrasound and see the doc, the bleeding is subsiding. We see the baby is ok and hemorrhage on ultrasound like last time, but doc admits me to the hospital for more tests, consult with high risk doctor and more advanced ultrasound. Very quickly they find the problem act like it is under control and the rest of the overnight stay is uneventful. I don't ask too many questions since I am healed and it is over, we just talk about bed rest and that this time it really means staying in bed except to go to the bathroom.
Thursday, the day after being released from the hospital was probably my lowest day yet. I woke up to bleeding again. Packed a bag to the hospital, but was told I could either stay in bed, come to the doctors office or back to hospital if it makes me feel better. I chose option 2 for no good reason. This was pretty much a worthless visit, I heard the heartbeat but already knew baby was ok from feeling him move. I also learned this could go on for weeks, and there is nothing they can do about it because the baby is not viable until 25 weeks (though other doctors and the Internet have since indicated sooner). So I am not better, can not be healed and can do nothing but lay around and bleed and wait until I get to 25 wks. My husband and I decide we are not going in the next time since no one can help us.
The next day Friday I woke up sick but no blood. I laid on the bathroom floor for awhile I was so sick. An hour later when finally in bed a huge gush of blood comes, worst yet by far, but I wait for it to stop in 4-5 hours like it did the other two days. It didn't stop all day, or the next morning. So I call the doctor who tells me to come to the hospital, finally I will get answers.....
Saturday morning the bleeding stops by the time we are settled at the hospital - after about 30 hrs it stops right when I am about to see the experts. Doesn't matter, I got an ultrasound, bloodwork and 15 minute great talk with the on call doctor who took the time to explain everything to us and answer all our questions. This was our best day, I am really thankful for getting a great nurse and doctor that day. We can now handle the next few weeks understanding what exactly is going on, what could happen, when to stay at home and when to go to the hospital.
DETAILED DIAGNOSIS - I have a marginal placental abruption meaning the edge of the placenta tears away from the uterus making a large or "good sized" hemorrhage (that is slightly bigger than it was on Tuesday). The blood pools under the placenta when I'm sleeping, releasing a rush of blood when I get up and use the bathroom. I should only be concerned if the bleeding is heavy for a few to several hours and come into the hospital to get checked out. The hospital does an ultrasound and checks my blood to ensure I am not anemic or suffering from too much blood loss and checks to see if there is mixing of blood with the baby. Now we are waiting for the placenta to heal and reattach - could be a week or months until the bleeding stops.
This week I am really thankful for support far and wide - my husband has been amazing, as well as the kids and my parents who are really taking care of me, each other and the house. My inlaws made my day with flowers just for me and my daughter that continue to brighten my room and mood, and they also support my husband who this is so hard on too. I have felt supported and encouraged by so many friends and family on Facebook. It is so nice to hear replies of prayer and support when you are cut off from society and isolated. I am also amazed by distant family and friends of friends I have never met who want to so things for us and pray for us. Wow. I am also thankful to finally understand the diagnosis (end of blog).
So this will probably be a long first blog since there is history to catch up on.
It started in June when I was 11 wks pregnant and woke up with cramping and saw blood when I went to the bathroom. In retrospect, not a lot, but enough to terrify me that I was losing the baby. I was out of town for work away from my family and sent to the ER. I never considered risk of complications since I already delivered two healthy babies at 40 wks with perfect pregnancies. When I had an ultrasound and saw the baby move and heard the heartbeat, tears of joy and relief streamed down my face - the baby would be ok. I had a hemorrhage and was prescribed bed rest without a strict definition and went home. No more bleeding or symptoms, I took it easy for awhile, bed rest worked no big deal. Then slowly back to normal life, except picking my kids up.
So I made it out of the 1st trimester and was out of the woods or so I thought. This Tuesday at almost 18 wks I woke up to see a huge gush of blood in the toilet. So scary. Luckily I am at home with my husband and own doctor. By the time we have the ultrasound and see the doc, the bleeding is subsiding. We see the baby is ok and hemorrhage on ultrasound like last time, but doc admits me to the hospital for more tests, consult with high risk doctor and more advanced ultrasound. Very quickly they find the problem act like it is under control and the rest of the overnight stay is uneventful. I don't ask too many questions since I am healed and it is over, we just talk about bed rest and that this time it really means staying in bed except to go to the bathroom.
Thursday, the day after being released from the hospital was probably my lowest day yet. I woke up to bleeding again. Packed a bag to the hospital, but was told I could either stay in bed, come to the doctors office or back to hospital if it makes me feel better. I chose option 2 for no good reason. This was pretty much a worthless visit, I heard the heartbeat but already knew baby was ok from feeling him move. I also learned this could go on for weeks, and there is nothing they can do about it because the baby is not viable until 25 weeks (though other doctors and the Internet have since indicated sooner). So I am not better, can not be healed and can do nothing but lay around and bleed and wait until I get to 25 wks. My husband and I decide we are not going in the next time since no one can help us.
The next day Friday I woke up sick but no blood. I laid on the bathroom floor for awhile I was so sick. An hour later when finally in bed a huge gush of blood comes, worst yet by far, but I wait for it to stop in 4-5 hours like it did the other two days. It didn't stop all day, or the next morning. So I call the doctor who tells me to come to the hospital, finally I will get answers.....
Saturday morning the bleeding stops by the time we are settled at the hospital - after about 30 hrs it stops right when I am about to see the experts. Doesn't matter, I got an ultrasound, bloodwork and 15 minute great talk with the on call doctor who took the time to explain everything to us and answer all our questions. This was our best day, I am really thankful for getting a great nurse and doctor that day. We can now handle the next few weeks understanding what exactly is going on, what could happen, when to stay at home and when to go to the hospital.
DETAILED DIAGNOSIS - I have a marginal placental abruption meaning the edge of the placenta tears away from the uterus making a large or "good sized" hemorrhage (that is slightly bigger than it was on Tuesday). The blood pools under the placenta when I'm sleeping, releasing a rush of blood when I get up and use the bathroom. I should only be concerned if the bleeding is heavy for a few to several hours and come into the hospital to get checked out. The hospital does an ultrasound and checks my blood to ensure I am not anemic or suffering from too much blood loss and checks to see if there is mixing of blood with the baby. Now we are waiting for the placenta to heal and reattach - could be a week or months until the bleeding stops.
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